Updated: May 10
My friend made a joke that all of my past boyfriends could easily pass for my twin brother after looking through old photos. Her casual observation that I definitely have a type and, that type is me. I realized she was right, and what, if anything did that say about me? I had never thought about or noticed this until that moment. As far as gender, self-identity, sexuality, and attraction are concerned I never questioned my feelings. I was born a female and I identify as female. I am physically attracted to men that have the same physical traits that I do. I am attracted to men who are tall, slender but toned, light eyes and strong facial features. Growing-up, Billy Idol was my dream guy. I should have made note of the resemblance a long time ago, check this out:
I am fascinated with the psychology of attraction and follow experts on the topic closely. I can sum up the general consensus among these experts when it comes to initial attraction in one word; Fertility.
It all comes down to our most basic survival instincts, men want (albeit subconsciously) women they consider optimal candidates for carrying their offspring. Women look for men who can provide and protect their young. This did not answer my question of why I was attracted to the male version of myself. I decided to run a tiny experiment to test the validity of my friend’s observation by morphing myself into a male using an app made solely for this purpose.
The result of which turned out as my dream guy! I was like;
“Damn! I am in love!”
Studies suggest that, consciously or not, we seek partners who resemble us, in terms of appearance, height, or IQ. Studies by geneticists at the University of Queensland in Australia found a strong correlation in the genetic markers for height between partners in more than 24,000 married couples. They also found striking similarities within couples for genetic markers that have been linked to the pursuit of education.
Couples, whether same-sex or heterosexual, tend to fall within similar ranges of size, education, religious beliefs, values, and socioeconomic status. The exceptions—say, couples with widely divergent levels of physical attractiveness—often knew each other well as friends or acquaintances before becoming romantic.
The thing about physical attraction is, it will only get the attention of the potential mate. What makes a real connection between two people is a combination of Intelligence, hormones, common values, and altruistic behavior. That’s right, studies have shown individuals that are kind, are considered
More attractive. A study showed that putting positive character traits against someone's photo meant people rated them as better looking.
This surprising fact made me question, why certain individuals go out of their way to make someone feel uncomfortable in their own skin?
When I became a creative content contributor, sharing my personal experiences, thoughts, and opinions on a wide range of topics in order to survive had to adapt and grow a very thick skin. It seems the internet has provided an outlet for social outcasts and deeply deprived individuals to project their issues onto others in what has become known as; “internet trolling”. I was completely unaware this was an actual thing when I first began contributing. As my popularity grew and number of followers increased. This was on another platform where my popularity and engagement credit is given solely to the platform, not to the contributor. This is why you’ve never heard of me but, I am a very popular contributor, I promise 🤚🏻 I began to get extremely negative and personally disparaging remarks in the comments section of my posts. I really try to focus on the positive aspects of any situation and receiving such a non-constructive criticism often completely irrelevant to the topic of the post, I was dumbfounded. My feelings would be hurt and my mood would be affected for the entire day. In the beginning, I never thought to consider the source of the insult. Before long, I realized it was often the same one or two people making these remarks on my posts. After being schooled about internet trolls from some of my more popular contemporaries, I embraced my trolls. I would respond to whatever cruel comment they left with;
“It’s always great to hear from you (fill in the name), I hope you are having a great week!”
The urban dictionary tells us this;
Internet trolls are attention whores. A rage fueled back and forth is exactly what they want since they probably don't get any attention in real life and someone else to acknowledging their existence provides them with a feeling of self-worth.
In time I learned to ignore the insults hurled at me in the comments. My confidence was further bolstered when my fellow contributors would chime-in to set the trolls straight with facts.
I remember one instance in particular, a post from 6 years ago titled something like; ‘Be a Big Tease This New Year’s Eve’ about rocking over-the-top hairstyle for NYE. My first (and probably cruelest) troll commented something about the article being a joke because no woman would ever do this and I must be some kind of a repulsive shut-in to even suggest it.
Lindsay, who is a co-founder of this site, jumped right in and told my troll just how wrong she was. As a licensed cosmologist Lindsay explained that several women requested this look when they came to her salon. Nunita, another founder of this site, agreed with Lindsay with a comment of her own about the pointlessness of her rude remarks.
I was vindicated, and I felt an immediate kinship with Lindsay and Nunita. By calling out my troll on the fact that comments like hers containing personal criticism only showed what a sad individual she must be silenced her (for a while). This was the beginning of a beautiful, encouraging, and supportive friendship. Three women living in completely different circumstances (and countries) from each other, all writing about several of the same topics with opposing opinions could agree on one thing. Insults, cruelty, and bullying was unacceptable behavior.